When my ex boyfriend and I first started dating, he didn’t want to have “the ex talk.” I didn’t argue at first, to respect his wishes, but deep down part of me wondered why. After a few weeks had gone by, I finally brought it up.
I felt that we needed to discuss our past relationships so we didn’t make the same mistakes we had with them. He agreed to finally have the talk.
We both went through all of our exes, even the middle school relationships that don’t really count. I felt like we had both handled the conversation well. However, after leaving him that day, I found myself wondering what it was about those girls my ex had liked.
Naturally, I looked at pictures of them together. I found most of the girls he had told me about looking beautiful. They seemed so perfect, why would he have left them and then liked me? I looked nothing like those girls.
About a week or so went by and I started to ask him questions about his past girlfriends. He proceeded to stop me and asked why I was doing this. I told him I just wanted to know, when deep down everything he told me about these girls I was comparing to myself.
You see I let jealousy come in to my life. I let it get in my head and tell me I wasn’t good enough. I compared myself to these girls based off of their profile pictures. Then, I finally realized that all I was doing was hurting myself.
I began to remind myself that it doesn’t matter who those girls are or what they looked like. I realized that I was special and important to God, and that’s all that matters.
“Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot would say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong on the body,’ it would not for that reason cease to be a part of the body. And if the ear should say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body’ it would not for that reason cease to be a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged all the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.”
-1 Corinthians 12:14-20
I realized, the more you become like Jesus, jealousy and so many other negative things will fade away.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the attitude of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!”
-Philippians 2:3-8
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes."
-1 Peter 3:3-4
These passages made me realize that it was okay for me to identify the beauty in others, as long as I wasn’t comparing their beauty to my own. Everyone is beautiful and special in his or her own way—that’s how God created him or her to be. The godly thing is to find that beauty within them, but to also know how beautiful He made you, too.
I let jealousy control me for far too long, as I would say most girls do. Perhaps not because your boyfriend dated them, but even thinking “she’s so skinny, I wish I could be that small,” or “wow, if I only had hair like that.” God created each of us in a unique way, with the intention of us not all being the exact same.
"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."
-Genesis 1:27
"You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."
-Song of Songs 4:7
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not enough. Stop comparing your life to others. Understand that you are amazing – just how you are!
The next time you are struggling with jealousy, remember how much you are worth to God. Remember how He purposely placed every freckle on your face and every hair on your head where He wanted it. Also remember, He purposely created everyone else the way they are, as well, and that’s okay.