Remember the first time you watched Marley & Me? You probably thought it was really sad, but thank goodness it's just a movie, right? You went home and you loved on your dog and all was well in the world.
I've done that with tons of dog movies, but then one day I had to say goodbye to my dog after 14 years. I got him as a Christmas present when I was in the second grade. I remember telling my grandma, "Dogs live 15 years, so he'll make it until I graduate college." To which she replied, "Most dogs don't actually live that long."
Well, mine did. He made it a month and 12 days past my college graduation. He was there for so many low points of my life. Just when I thought everything was falling apart, he'd come in my room with a ball, wagging his tail, or he'd just come and lay his head on me. He was also there for all the good times in my life, and we shared a lot of great memories.
When the day finally came, my parents told me I needed to come home before it was too late. He was an old dog, and had normal health problems associated with his breed and size. We'd known that for about six months and had been following our vets recommendations.
The morning of his passing, I got up and drove two hours home. It was a cold January day, but when I got home I sat outside with my dog for over an hour in the cold. We had to be outside to spare the mess of his recent accident inside. I talked to him about some of my favorite times, tried to get him to play with his toys (though he didn't have the energy to at all), and fed him way too many of his favorite treats.
I sat with him until my mom said it was time to go to the vet. We drove over and waited for hours at the one emergency vet that was open on a Sunday. They finally ran tests on him and broke the news that his condition had advanced and his heart was failing. He had so much fluid in his heart that the blood wasn't pumping correctly, heading backwards into his lungs. At the same time, his heart was enlarged pressing up against his lungs making it difficult to breathe.
The vet said if we took him home things would get much worse and he would eventually drown in his own blood. The best option was for us to put him down so he could go peacefully and not suffer a painful, lengthy death.
As I sat there, holding my dog for the last time, I felt my heart break into a million pieces. I wish I had done better for him. I wish it didn't have to happen this way. I never imagined that day would actually come. As I hugged him and told him over and over, "I'm so sorry," I remember looking at my mom and telling her not to let my little brother get a dog. I told her I didn't want him to have to go through the pain I was feeling.
As I watched my dog take his last breath and then took him home to be buried, I began to reminisce on all the years I'd had with him. He'd frustrated me so many times when he dug in the trash, or he had eaten the food off my plate. But he had also made me so incredibly happy. Nothing warmed my heart more than when my dog would lay in bed with me and put his head on my feet. He'd get so excited when I got home, even if I were having a bad day, he was there to greet me with a wagging tail.
I thought how lucky I am to have had this amazing dog placed in my life. He was the smartest dog I'd ever been around and was so well behaved. After us growing up together, it was a more difficult goodbye than I could have ever imagined. I wouldn't trade my years with him for anything. Then I thought to myself, 'My brother should get a dog because if they have half of the memories we had, it'd be a worthy companionship.'
To all those who have lost a pet, remember them in your hearts. To those who still have fur balls running around, cherish the moments, even the frustrating ones, before it's over.
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